Sunday 29 June 2014

I would hate my daughter to be the smelly child at school.

Each morning before she gets dressed to go  to school, I make sure my eldest daughter Josie brushes her teeth, applies sunblock to her face (even in winter) and puts deodorant under each arm. It’s a simple, essential hygiene routine.
But I’m aware the last bit might raise a few eyebrows – because  my daughter is just seven years old, still plays with dolls and has yet  to lose any of her baby teeth.
In fact, I am sure some who read this will be aghast. But I disagree. What sort of mother would I be if I allowed her to be singled out as the smelly child at school?
No sweat: Jessica Valentine has let her seven-year-old daughter Josie start using deodorant so she will not be 'the smelly child' at school
No sweat: Jessica Valentine has let her seven-year-old daughter Josie start using deodorant so she will not be 'the smelly child' at school
Especially as it was Josie who first noticed that her armpits were a bit whiffy one day back in February – a month after her seventh birthday.
We’d arrived home from an afternoon playing in the local park with her sisters Sophie, six, and Bella, four, when Josie asked me to take a look at her armpits.
‘They feel wet, Mum,’ she told me. She was right. And when I playfully scooped her up into my arms and gave them a bit of a sniff, I discovered they also smelled of sweat.
I didn’t make a big deal of it and kept the conversation light, pulling a funny face as I told her: ‘Yuk, they smell, we’d better get you some deodorant, but until we do you can use mine.’

 
I’m a very matter-of-fact person, however delicate the subject.
Health and hygiene: Josie uses a paraben and aluminium-free deodorant
Health and hygiene: Josie uses a paraben and aluminium-free deodorant
Josie just smiled at me – it didn’t bother her. She watches me get ready every day, so when I handed the deodorant to her and said ‘Here, put some on!’ she knew exactly what to do.
I let her take responsibility for putting it on every morning because she and her sisters need to learn how to look after themselves and develop good habits. If she occasionally forgets, I don’t make a big deal of it.
Although it might sound extreme, I’m far from unusual.
Parenting websites such as mumsnet are littered with discussions in which perplexed mothers voice concerns that their very young kids need deodorising.
It’s not as if I’m sending her out to the beauty salon to get a spray tan and false nails. This is an issue of personal hygiene and dignity.
As a result of growing demand, there are now several brands on the market for children, such as Missy, although most are marketed at kids aged 11 and over.
Many parents choose brands which, although not specifically for kids, use only natural ingredients, including Tom’s of Maine, Bionsen and JASON, the one I buy for Josie which is paraben and aluminium-free.
My sister had breast cancer and there have been suggestions of  a link between the ingredients in some deodorants and tumours, so I buy only cosmetic products that are entirely natural.
Josie didn’t have a say in which deodorant she uses. I got it from an organic supermarket near our home in Brighton.
I use deodorant by Neal’s Yard myself, but that’s too expensive for a little girl. I’m not aware of any of her little friends using deodorant, but give it a couple of years and I expect they’ll all be using it and wearing their first bras too.

Certainly, much has been written about today’s children starting puberty earlier – so-called precocious puberty – with studies appearing to show that diet, obesity and the chemicals in our foods are the key influencing factors.
Girls have always developed earlier than boys – on average the onset of puberty happens between the ages of eight and 12 years in girls and between nine and 14  in boys.
However, I feel Josie’s too young for the dampness and odour to be a pre-cursor to puberty and her body isn’t showing any of the classic signs.
She’s simply a very active, energetic little girl who’s constantly on the go, running around and playing sports such as football. So inevitably she’s going to sweat – and smell – more than children her age who are less active.
Health and hygiene: Jessica does not think her daughter is too young to start using deodorant, as she does not want her to be picked on at school
Health and hygiene: Jessica does not think her daughter is too young to start using deodorant, as she does not want her to be picked on at school
As a former teacher, and now a psychologist specialising in children’s and women’s issues, I know more than most how being singled out as the smelly child at school can have a negative impact on a youngster’s self-esteem.
For the sake of a stick of deodorant, I wasn’t going to allow that to happen to my daughter. Kids can be cruel, and if they tell you your teeth are yellow or you stink, it sticks with you throughout your life.
I can remember every cruel jibe about how skinny and flat-chested  I was in my teens, even though  I’m very confident in myself as  now I approach my 40th birthday.
Like most little girls, Josie loves to perch at my dressing table, exploring the various bottles of perfume and rummaging through the contents of my make-up bag. For her, deodorant is just an extension of that – something that her mummy uses every day – the only difference being that she has her own stick  that sits by her bed.
My husband Jonathan is 42 and works in communications in the  City and, like me, he feels strongly that the girls must wait until they’re teenagers before we allow them to have their ears pierced or wear make-up. But there are certain things that can become prematurely essential for some children, and in Josie’s case that is deodorant.
Equally, if Josie, Sophie – who has very dark hair – or Bella come to me in the next couple of years and say they’re very self-conscious because their legs have got hairy, for example, I’ll talk to them about what we could do about it.
And, yes, that would include getting them waxed at a salon. I’m dark-haired and began shaving my own legs from eight years old because I was in danger of being picked on at school.
The most important thing is that Josie and her sisters practise good personal hygiene and grow up to  be happy, confident little girls who aren’t left in tears in the school playground because somebody told them they smelt sweaty.
Why would I allow that to happen when it can all be solved with a simple stick of deodorant, even if she is only seven years old?

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