Ever caved
in and eaten a packet of biscuits on a Monday night, despite managing to
stick to your diet all weekend? Or splashed out on that must-have pair
of shoes, even though you promised yourself you wouldn’t overspend that
month?
Then
you’re certainly not alone. Despite our very best intentions, keeping
control of our impulses, actions and emotions can sometimes feel
impossible and demoralising.
So
how on Earth do some people seemingly exercise an impossible amount of
willpower, while others fail at sticking to even the most basic of
tasks?
How on Earth do some people seemingly
exercise an impossible amount of willpower, while others fail at
sticking to even the most basic of tasks?
The answer is revealed in a groundbreaking new book, which claims we all have the vital power of self-control at our fingertips.
In The
Marshmallow Test — named after an extraordinary psychological
experiment — renowned American psychologist Professor Walter Mischel
explains how anyone can learn self-restraint.
This
could have incredible benefits: recent research from the University of
Chicago shows that people with self-discipline have higher self-esteem,
are less likely to binge on alcohol or food and even have better
relationships.
In The Marshmallow Test American psychologist Professor Walter Mischel explains how anyone can learn self-restraint
Tests
have also shown those with self-control tend to be happier day-to-day
and more satisfied with their lives. Here, in this exclusive adaptation,
with some additional tips and a quiz, we show how Professor Mischel’s
findings can help you be happier and more productive than ever before . .
.
TEST THAT PROVES THE VALUE OF WILLPOWER
To
try to understand the value of willpower, Professor Mischel set up a
beautifully simple experiment in the Sixties to test children’s
self-control.
The
Marshmallow Test, as it became known, and subsequent studies, led to
fascinating observations on how willpower can impact our adult lives.
Over
seven years, more than 550 children aged four to six were asked to sit
alone in a room empty of distractions, except a table with a single
marshmallow for each child on it.
The
children were told that, if they could resist eating the treat for 15
minutes, they would be rewarded with two marshmallows. But, if they
chose to eat the marshmallow before the time was up, that was all they
would get.
Some
children couldn’t wait, and ate the marshmallow within seconds of being
left alone with it. Those with more willpower, however, used various
techniques to stop themselves from eating it — turning their back on the
treat, swinging their legs and singing songs in a bid to resist
temptation.
Of
the 550 children who took part in the experiment, a minority ate the
marshmallow immediately. Of those who attempted to delay, a third
deferred gratification long enough to get the second treat.
The
experiment didn’t stop there, however. Decades later, when the
researchers went back to these children, it transpired that those who
waited longest for the marshmallows in the original test — the ones who
demonstrated the most self-control — went on to have higher exam scores
than the children who couldn’t wait.
As
the children became adults, those who had exhibited the most
self-control were also shown to have a healthier body weight, earned
more advanced degrees, used fewer recreational drugs and coped better
with stress.
WHY DO SOME HAVE MORE SELF-CONTROL THAN OTHERS?
It’s
clear self-control can help you succeed in all areas of your life, but
if you are naturally impulsive, does that mean you’re destined to
struggle with weight, achieve less and crumble under stress?
Not
necessarily, according to Professor Mischel. While some people are
lucky enough to be born with innate self-control, it can be learned. Our
individual levels of self-control stem from two warring parts of our
brains.
We
have a so-called ‘hot’ part, also known as the limbic system, which
regulates basic drives and emotions essential for survival, from fear
and anger to hunger and sex. When we use this part of the brain, we tend
to make impulsive decisions — deciding to shout and gesticulate at a
motorist who has annoyed us, for example, or drink more than we know we
should at a party.
The
‘cool’ part of the brain is found in a part called the prefrontal
cortex. It is complex, reflective and slower to activate. This cool,
controlled system in the brain is crucial for considering the future.
When
we use the ‘cool’ part of our brains to make choices, we weigh up the
pros and cons carefully, and feel more in control of our decisions. We
employ the cool part when we decide to choose a healthy snack despite
having a chocolate craving, or bite our tongue when our best friend
starts talking about something we disagree with.
Both
sides of the brain have their advantages and disadvantages. The ‘hot’
limbic system can be useful in fight or flight situations, but is not so
handy if you’re offered a cigarette when you are trying to give up
smoking. The ‘cool’ prefrontal cortex can help us weigh up decisions,
but can stop us taking risks and being spontaneous.
To try to understand the value of
willpower, Professor Mischel set up a beautifully simple experiment in
the Sixties to test children’s self-control
Both
hot and cool parts of the brain continuously interact in a reciprocal
relationship. As one becomes more active, the other takes a back seat.
Some
people — whether by nature or nurture — appear to be ruled by their
‘cool’ prefrontal cortex and sail through life making careful, sensible
decisions.
However,
for most of us, the ‘hot’ limbic system overrides the ‘cool’ part of
our brain, dashing any self-control we thought we might have and driving
us to make rash decisions. Stress and tiredness can also make this more
likely.
The
good news is that with practice and a few simple tricks, Professor
Mischel says you can train your brain to cool its responses to
temptation and put yourself back in the driving seat of your
self-control.
TRICKS TO BEAT TEMPTATION
Distract yourself
In
the Marshmallow Test, the children who managed to avoid eating the
treat for longest did so by distracting themselves. As adults, to master
self-control in everyday life, Professor Mischel says we need to do
exactly the same thing. If you struggle to control your bad habits at
home, keep your mind busy with replacement activities.
Make a list of small tasks that need doing around the home and consult it every time you feel your willpower weakening.
Clear
out your cutlery drawer, ring a friend, file your old photographs, or
go for a walk the next time you feel tempted to raid the fridge, bite
your nails or open a bottle of wine.
If you struggle to control your bad
habits at home, keep your mind busy with replacement activities. Make a
list of small tasks that need doing around the home and consult it every
time you feel your willpower weakening (stock picture)
Take
up a hobby that requires a lot of concentration and that you can pick
up whenever you feel willpower waning. Teach yourself to knit, fill in
crosswords, Google homemade Christmas gifts, or start a DIY project.
When
you’re out and about, keep a short list of the reasons you need to
exert self-control in your pocket or on your phone and refer to it every
time you’re faced with temptation.
Play
I-spy in your head next time the tea trolley goes past, or you’re
tempted to waste time on social media. Challenge yourself to find ten
things in your environment that start with a certain letter.
Keeping
your mind otherwise occupied in the face of a ‘hot’ challenge will
switch it to the cool part of your brain and help you to start exerting
control over it.
Out of sight, out of mind
Out
of sight really is out of mind when it comes to temptation. In 2006, a
study at Cornell University found workers ate more sweets when the
container was clear, rather than opaque — and on their desk, rather than
6ft away.
No
matter how strong you think your resolve is, there will be times when
stress, distractions, or even a devil-may-care mood will put your
self-control on the back foot. In these situations, you need to remove
temptation altogether.
It
can be as simple as asking for a bread basket to be taken off the table
when you’re on a diet, or putting your credit card in a bowl of water
and freezing it if you know you can’t be trusted with it.
If
you know that quick, after-work drink always turns into five, work out a
graceful escape plan beforehand, and leave before things get messy.
Use your imagination
According
to Professor Mischel, if you can change the way you imagine a craving,
you can quickly escape its grip. When the children in Professor
Mischel’s test groups were told about the marshmallows in downbeat
terms, they were far more likely to sit the test out patiently.
Those who had been given mouth-watering, poetic descriptions of the confectionery were desperate to tuck in straight away.
Professor
Mischel, a one-time heavy smoker, says a combination of visualising an
upsetting image of a man he had seen in hospital suffering from lung
cancer and sniffing a tin full of stale cigarette butts every time he
wanted a cigarette helped him kick the habit very quickly.
Think
about it: the ‘hot’ decision to try the tempting chocolate cake on the
dessert trolley loses its allure if you ‘cool’ it down by imagining a
cockroach has just crawled over it.
The
impulsive, emotional limbic side of the brain is disarmed by the
negative image, allowing the more thoughtful prefrontal cortex to come
into play. It’s enough to put you off large slices of cake for life. But
then, that’s the idea.
Professor Mischel, a one-time heavy
smoker, says a combination of visualising an upsetting image of a man he
had seen in hospital suffering from lung cancer and sniffing a tin full
of stale cigarette butts every time he wanted a cigarette helped him
kick the habit very quickly (stock picture)
Think ahead
Another
powerful way to resist temptation is to learn to replace the brain’s
automatic ‘go!’ response to a temptation with a ‘no!’
It’s
a trick you need to be able to pull out of the bag quickly and
automatically — even when under stress. The way to do this, Professor
Mischel suggests, is to formulate what is known by psychologists as an
‘If-Then’ plan.
This
means that before you are actually faced with a hard-to-resist
temptation, or an ingrained habit, you need to come up with, and
practise, a well-thought-out and controlled response.
The more time you give yourself to come up with a plan and the more times you are able to practise it, the better.
For
example, ‘IF my partner does something that irritates me — THEN I will
count to ten before I fly off the handle’, or ‘IF my friend offers me a
drink, THEN I will tell her I want a lime and soda.’ It sounds simple,
and it is.
But
the key is to practise and imagine the new response over and over in
your head, before you find yourself in temptation’s way. By forming and
practising these plans in your head, you can quite quickly make the hot
part of your brain reflexively trigger the response you want whenever
the cue occurs.
It
might not change a bad habit immediately (experts estimate that can
take a minimum of two months’ practice) but it will, at least, buy you a
few seconds to consider your options more rationally.
With time, a new, positive, controlled association or habit will be formed to replace the old, knee-jerk reaction.
Be a fly on the wall
You
can also use willpower to overcome difficult or painful emotions by
ending the cycle of replaying upsetting incidents in your head.
Professor
Mischel and his team decided to see if the distraction techniques used
in the Marshmallow Test could be applied to these feelings.
They
enlisted students who had experienced a problem that left them with
‘overwhelming feelings of anger and hostility’, split them into two
groups and asked them to reflect on their experiences in one of two
ways.
Put your credit card in a bowl of water and freeze it if you know you can’t be trusted with it
Half
of the students were asked to relive and visualise the experience
through their own eyes — without taking anyone else’s point of view into
consideration.
The
other half were asked to distance themselves from their situation and
take stock of their experience from the perspective of a fly on the wall
— and examine their feelings from this more controlled, detached
perspective.
The
results were striking. The group that appraised their situation from
their own perspective recounted the details as if they were reliving the
entire episode and reactivated the negative emotions they attached to
the experience.
In
contrast, the fly-on-the-wall group began to reappraise what had
happened, and started to see it in a more thoughtful and less emotional
way, allowing them to explain what had happened and gain self-control
and closure.
Further
research showed that taking the fly-on-the-wall approach to emotional
upsets had a positive effect on blood pressure, too.
The
Marshmallow Test: Understanding Self-Control And How To Master It, by
Professor Walter Mischel is published by Bantam Press, price £20. Offer
price £16 until November 3. Order at mailbookshop.co.uk — p&p is
free for a limited time only.
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